Neuroscience: Preparing for a feedback conversation

The attitude you bring to a conversation, as well as your ability to defuse your reactions will speak volumes and will affect the other person's willingness and ability to engage with you. Ideally, you would come to a conversation where you will be either giving or receiving feedback with a growth mindset; a curious mindset that is open to learning.

Your mindset is determined by your thinking. So, a good place to begin is with your underlying thoughts, analysing whether they will be helpful in a feedback conversation and aiming to develop them into a growth mindset.

Growth mindsets

A growth mindset focuses your attention on learning and possibility. It has you be more committed to growth than to comfort. Discomfort is almost irrelevant when compared to the potential growth and learning available.

A growth mindset also requires a commitment to curiosity and openness. It requires us to set aside our need to be right and to look good; we shift from dwelling on the past to creating something new.

Use the steps below to start working on your own growth mindset.

Notice your thoughts

Pick one of your difficult conversations where you could fall into hopelessness or negativity. Reflect on your thoughts about this conversation, the other person and yourself. Be as honest with yourself as possible.

You might notice thoughts like: "They really messed this up" "They made me look bad" "This is my fault" or "I know I am right"

Acknowledge which are 'fixed mindset' thoughts

These are normal human thought patterns that keep you safe and stable. But they all indicate a fixed mindset and are not helpful if you want to have a positive and productive conversation.

Acknowledge this and aim to put the thoughts to one side.

Focus on the possibilities

Focusing on positivity and possibility might be a little challenging if the conversation you have in mind includes addressing negative behaviour, mistakes (theirs or yours) or performance issues.

But mistakes and poor performance do not define a person. Think of them as opportunities to grow and to begin a new path to flourishing.

Choose a new thought

Choose a new, growth-focused way of thinking that you could adopt so you could have a more positive outcome. For example: "I can help them learn" "Our working relationship matters" "We both have lessons to learn" or "I can convey a message with care"

Practice and remind yourself

Practise your new thought pattern. Repeat it over and over and remind yourself of it as you move forward with your planning and at the start of the conversation.

Nurture their strengths

Growth doesn't mean only focus on problems and fixing them. It is also very much about growing and developing one's strengths.

Helping someone nurture their strengths will help them develop towards excellence. Focusing on strengths rather than problems will also bring in some dopamine and motivation.

But our brain's error detectors will keep pulling our attention to what is wrong. Sometimes all we can see is the problem and then we just want to fix it.

We need to use some PFC power to refocus our attention on what's possible and to look at capabilities. There are likely many to choose from.