Tool: Deactivate the drama triangle
Drama triangles happen in a lot of ways; they especially happen around difficult conversations. When a conversation feels really difficult, we may avoid a direct conversation and try to get others to do the hard parts. But it will create drama. It's a much better idea to learn to get through the discomfort, take responsibility, and just have the direct conversation.
You do not have to remain in drama triangles. You can use your PFC to consider situations from all perspectives and have direct, calm conversations.
Roisin, the Villain, could have...
Roisin, the Villain, could have...
Roisin, the Villain, could have...
Calmed herself first, then had a conversation with Bea to explain why the extra information was not helpful for this meeting.
Taking a moment to use ABC or another calming technique would have prepared Roisin for the conversation she originally wanted to have. It would have been empowering and helpful for Bea's growth and for the project.
Bea, the Victim, could have...
Roisin, the Villain, could have...
Roisin, the Villain, could have...
Given Roisin some time to cool off, then had another conversation to better understand her role in this project.
Approaching Roisin again with curiosity, a learning mindset and a willingness to be a team player would take Bea firmly out of Victim status. This may require setting her limbic needs aside for that conversation.
Gary, the Hero, could have...
Roisin, the Villain, could have...
Gary, the Hero, could have...
Supported Bea to have a conversation with Roisin herself, rather than taking over.
It would also be worth asking himself why he was so keen to solve Bea's problem; what did the situation trigger for him? Fixing a problem that is not your own will often create a drama triangle.