Neuroscience: Drama triangles
A drama triangle is a typical human dynamic involving a victim, a villain and a hero. They are a systemic expression of the limbic system - a common dynamic between people that creates and perpetuates drama and upset.
This dynamic is often behind those situations that feel like soap operas... especially the ones where you had good intentions and a great idea to resolve a tricky situation peacefully, but it didn't work. And not only that, but more and more people seem to be getting involved and getting upset!
The good news is that drama triangles can be deactivated.
A team are preparing for a customer review...
Roisin has assigned various tasks to the team in preparation for a customer review. One of her colleagues, Bea, is new.
Bea embellishes a few slides with extra graphics and some useful information that Roisin hadn't asked for.
...when a misunderstanding occurs.
When Roisin sees the extra graphics and data, she knows it will confuse the client. Upset, she calls a meeting with Bea to tell her to fix it. Roisin also thinks this will be a good learning opportunity for Bea.
They call a meeting to discuss it...
In the conversation, Roisin asks about the changes and Bea proudly says that she thought it would be helpful, and asks if there was something wrong with the information.
Roisin loses her temper: "IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH IT!!?? You changed something that alters the meaning of the whole presentation! Fix it!"
Which leaves one person devastated...
Bea, shocked and devastated, calls up Gary to ask for help. Gary is the project manager and the person who had hired her; he had strongly encouraged her to use her experience and creativity.
...and reaching out to someone else for support.
Gary tells Bea not to worry and that he will handle it. He assumes this is Roisin's fault because he has had problems with her before. He is sure that Roisin was being overly hard on Bea. He aims to fix this problem for good.
Is their involvement helpful?
Gary calls Roisin. He tells her that she was wrong and that she should be more tolerant with Bea. He feels good about having set that straight (and his limbic system rewards him for getting back at Roisin after past slights).
And it doesn't end there...
Hurt and confused by Gary's involvement, Roisin speaks to her manager about it, who calls Gary up to have a word with him. Gary makes a sarcastic comment to his colleague, Sharisse, when he gets off the phone. Sharisse asks what's been going on, then calls Bea to see if she's ok.
And so it continues...