Skill: Conversations you might avoid
What are the conversations that you and your team avoid - those things that hang around like unfinished business?
Trying to address conflicts that are under the surface can feel tricky and out of our control. But if we avoid them, they often fester and get in the way of effective communication, collaboration and good teamwork.
You are going to take a look at conversations that are commonly avoided. Consider which of these you might be trying to avoid.
Dealing with the elephant in the room
Dealing with the elephant in the room
Dealing with the elephant in the room
People often speak about “elephants in the room” – events or situations that nobody wants to address but everyone knows about and perhaps gossips about.
You can lose a lot of time by having to dance around these elephants as you accommodate this person who cannot be on a team with that person, or another who refuses to apologise for previo
People often speak about “elephants in the room” – events or situations that nobody wants to address but everyone knows about and perhaps gossips about.
You can lose a lot of time by having to dance around these elephants as you accommodate this person who cannot be on a team with that person, or another who refuses to apologise for previous insults to someone else. It costs time, money, energy and morale.
Maybe there are unresolved issues in your team that keep coming back but nobody dares to address them, even though they clearly have an impact on people. Do any of these ring true for you?
- Known pay disparities
- Unchecked sexist, racist or homophobic comments
- Microaggressions
- Cliques or gossip
- Banter that offends others "Can't you take a joke?!"
- Unresolved arguments
- A lack of respect for others' talents
Speaking to a disgruntled employee
Dealing with the elephant in the room
Dealing with the elephant in the room
Large-scale studies by the Gallup organisation and by Gartner research have both shown that well over half of employees (even up to 87% says Gartner) are dissatisfied. Both studies show that about 25% of employees are actively dissatisfied which means they actively or passively are working against the organisation’s best interest.
These pe
Large-scale studies by the Gallup organisation and by Gartner research have both shown that well over half of employees (even up to 87% says Gartner) are dissatisfied. Both studies show that about 25% of employees are actively dissatisfied which means they actively or passively are working against the organisation’s best interest.
These people will create negativity and it will spread to others, destroying overall morale. A common cause for this behaviour is feelings of unfairness. You might remember that the common reaction to unfairness is retaliation or revenge. In workplaces, employees who feel they've been treated unfairly will feel vindicated when they work against the organisation.
Is there anyone on your team that might be dissatisfied, seeking some kind of revenge and/or spreading negativity?
Addressing mismatched expectations
Dealing with the elephant in the room
Addressing mismatched expectations
We all make assumptions, often without realising that they are assumptions rather than agreements. Then, when our expectations are not met, we are disappointed. Blame or defensiveness is a natural next step and off we go into a limbic dance or blame game.
Do you recognise any of these mismatched expectations from your team?
- "I thought you w
We all make assumptions, often without realising that they are assumptions rather than agreements. Then, when our expectations are not met, we are disappointed. Blame or defensiveness is a natural next step and off we go into a limbic dance or blame game.
Do you recognise any of these mismatched expectations from your team?
- "I thought you were speaking to the customer about that!"
- "Wait - you didn't proofread my document before sending it? It has so many typos!"
- "I've checked all the boxes for my current role - when do I get a promotion?"
- "I've been here a year - when do I get a pay rise?"
Ideally, we set expectations up front, but even so, we are not likely to cover all of our assumptions. As soon as you realise that there is a mismatch in expectations, it is important to raise it and clear it up. But, it is difficult. The limbic system wants to be right and will cling to the idea that your assumption was right and your frustration justified.