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  • 1 DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS
  • 2 DEFUSE THE DRAMA
  • 3 ADDRESSING CONFLICTS
  • 4. GIVING & RECEIVING FB
  • 5. APPRECIATION
  • RESOURCES
  • More
    • Home
    • 1 DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS
    • 2 DEFUSE THE DRAMA
    • 3 ADDRESSING CONFLICTS
    • 4. GIVING & RECEIVING FB
    • 5. APPRECIATION
    • RESOURCES
  • Home
  • 1 DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS
  • 2 DEFUSE THE DRAMA
  • 3 ADDRESSING CONFLICTS
  • 4. GIVING & RECEIVING FB
  • 5. APPRECIATION
  • RESOURCES

Tool: Defuse powerful reactions

Now that you are aware of your neurochemicals and their impact, you can work to defuse them, following a three step process:


  • Ventilation, to burn off the hot emotions.
  • Labelling, to name the emotions that remain.
  • ABC, to return to your PFC.


Keep focusing on that difficult conversation and notice the impact of the toxic chemicals as they circulate in your body. As you understand the three steps, see if you can use them to detoxify the chemicals in your body and defuse your emotion.

1. Ventilation

Ventilation is like burning off steam. 


Think of yourself as a volcano that needs to release its hot lava. If you are able to get rid of adrenaline and cortisol, you will be able to think more clearly, have more control of your behaviour and have a more productive conversation. Here are three ways to burn off steam.

Vent the emotion

Release tension from your muscles

Physically expend energy

Turn on the audio recorder on your phone or call your own voicemail and vent out the emotion: scream, yell, growl, swear, whatever it takes to let off steam. Imagine telling that person (or someone) how frustrated you are! But please do not direct this at the person you need to speak with. 

Physically expend energy

Release tension from your muscles

Physically expend energy

Go for a run, punch a pillow, stomp your feet, jump up & down and use up that adrenaline. Going for a slower walk may also be helpful. You need to find what works for you. 

Release tension from your muscles

Release tension from your muscles

Release tension from your muscles

Tighten all your muscles as tight as possible while you inhale, then release all muscles with a big exhale. Repeat several times if you need to. 

2. Labelling

After the adrenaline burn off exercise, you might be feeling a little more calm. But it is likely you still have some emotions swirling around in you. This next activity will help you further defuse your emotions.


You can do this exercise out loud, alone or with someone else (ask them to just listen and not respond), you can note them down or even just say the words in your mind.

I feel like ...

  • sad, sorry or regretful
  • insulted or offended
  • hurt, violated or betrayed
  • nervous, shy or uncertain
  • jealous envious or resentful
  • mortified or embarrassed
  • angry, incensed or furious
  • displeased or disappointed
  • disgusted
  • afraid, scared or uncertain

 

2. ABC

Now that you have burnt off some adrenaline and labelled your emotions, it is time to get your PFC back online. This is an essential step if you want to have a productive conversation. Engaging your PFC is not easy to do in the grip of emotions, so if you still feel very strong emotions, it may be helpful to revisit the previous steps first.


We will use the ABC process to tap into your PFC: Aware, Breathe, Choose.


Experience a short ABC exercise for difficult conversations in this video. This is an exercise you can tap into any time you are feeling very strong emotions and want to get your PFC back online.

Reflect on how you feel now

With all of that work on addressing and releasing emotions, you are likely feeling different than you did at the beginning of this exercise.

Consider how you feel now.

  • Notice your body again.
  • Notice the actions you are compelled to take.


You have made great strides in reducing your threat responses and the likelihood of using toxic behaviours.

Next: Subtle limbic threats

shooksvensen

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